Here is the next part of our story.

Part 1 by Bartek

Part 2 Enni

Part 3 by Me

Part 4 by Apple

Part 5 by Lloyd

Part 6 byLucas

Part 7 by Bartek

Part 8 by Enni

Part 9 by Amanda

Unless the time had come for us to do our duty.

Agatha must have seen it coming. But what had she seen exactly. My death? Her’s? Both of us? Or something worse?

I had to talk to her. But how, how could I get through to her when only mum could reach her in this state. I knew one thing for certain I had to try.

Ann in her rage about the death of her boyfriend was a danger to everything my sister and I stood for. I didn’t want to kill her, but I had to keep her silent.

Catching her unawares I jumped on her back and wrestled her too the floor. It wasn’t easy she was a hefty girl. Once I had her there, I used her dressing gown cord to tie her wrists. Then grabbing and pinching her ears I hauled her to her feet and marched her up the stairs. When I got to the top step where the new symbol was carved, I shouted “Why did you do this?”

Sarcarstically she said. “I didn’t. I’ve never been here before remember.” I slapped her cheek bringing tears to her eyes.

“Try again.” I snarled.

“I swear I never.” She sobbed.


What the hell. The voice seemed to come from beyond the door to the junk room. Knitting my bushy brows together I listened in concentration. When the voice came again I dragged Ann through the jumble of boxes to the mirror.

“STAR JUMPS” screamed the voice from behind the mirror, as well as perfectly in unison , Ann who was stood beside me.

She struggled out of my grip, they were shouting “Star Jumps”  to each other,  After each shout she actually tried to Star jump but it was difficult with the cord around her wrists. If that wasn’t bad enough each time she landed a symbol on the mirror lit up.

”  Mit!  Do something quick.” It was Agatha. She looked awful – almost like a corpse.

I had no weapon just my Zippo. I flicked the flame and rammed it into Ann’s greasy hair. It was the best I could do without hurting her too badly. Her singed hair stank making us all gag.

The lights on the symbols went out, the new wood carving disappeared, but shockingly my mum and dad’s image appeared in the mirror. I turned expecting to see them, but there was only Agatha there. Standing, but her eyes rolled back up so far only the whites showed.

“Hahaha. Do something Mit!” Ann accused mockingly.

So I……..













Destination Unknown – Part 3

Just sharing this here


And now we have part 3 from Amanda. Yes, it is short but gives a sweet twist to the story.
“I should press charges for assaulting me.”
“Fuck sake Ann it was just a tap!” I said.
“And when is she leaving?” She asked.
“When’s who leaving?”
“That blonde bitch upstairs. Why on earth did you give her a key? Is she really your sister? I thought you were an only child?”
Ann had me there, she might be my friend but she didn’t know that much about me. No one did except maybe for….

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Dr Botanicals.

Welcome to my first blog of 2018!

Hello You, Happy New Year.

I am going to try and do things differently in this blog over the next few months. I will be writing about various products, services and experiences, so my posts will include a little bit of everything.

I am not sponsored or paid by anyone to do these blogs – I wish I was! – I just enjoy writing.

So let’s kick off with my first ever Beauty Blog; in case you have never read one of my pages I am a 43 year old lady from Pembrokeshire, Wales, who has recently gone through ovarian cancer and heart failure caused by a rare side effect of chemotherapy. I had an existing congenital heart disorder to start with so maybe the heart failure was inevitable…

One of the consequences of ovarian cancer treatment is getting the early menopause and its associated symptoms such as hot flushes, night sweats and itchy or dry skin. I have eliminated certain food and drinks from my diet to help with the flushes and I may come back to that in a later post, but for now I want to focus on my skin.

Let’s start at the beginning in August 2016 I was given Prostrap, a hormone injection in the thigh each month to stop my periods occurring. This was four months after my initial cancer diagnosis. The changes in my skin happened within a few weeks but because I was on so much medication by then and feeling so rotten, I really didn’t have any interest in the state of my appearance,skin or hair. The only thing I cared about was that I was loosing too much weight.

Then in September- on my actual birthday – I started chemotherapy. I had to avoid certain active ingredients found in bathing and cosmetic products as they reacted badly to the Taxol and Carboplantain , the main ingredients/toxins in my weekly chemo sessions. Fortunately thanks to my work friends and colleagues, who gave me a huge basket of goodies when I diagnosed, I had plenty of paraben free shower gels to choose from, as well as soothing body lotions. But I still needed creams and moisturisers from the hospital that took the reactive rash down from various parts of my body.

Less than a month after fifteen chemotherapy cycles along came the surgery to remove my tumour and reproduction organs, everything from womb, fallopian tubes ovaries and cervix. Needless to say, I was wary of putting anything too near my scar so I started using body oils rather than lotions or creams. I started paying more attention to my appearance and although I didn’t feel 100% ready or confident I agreed to go back to work on a phased return basis.

As my regular readers know that was in June 2017. Unfortunately less than three hours after finishing my first return to work half-day shift, I suffered a blood clot in my heart causing severe heart failure. Again fighting for my life was more important than what I looked like.

Seven months on and I’m slowly rebuilding my new life. I will never be the person I was before the cancer, nor will my body, but my mind and spirit are strong, perhaps even stronger than they were before. This new confident me wants to experience new things. Everything from cosmetics, foods and days out to reading more books writing and making new friends.

When it comes to personal hygiene this is one area where I try to buy the best I can afford. I don’t like cheap soaps that fall apart, but I am willing to try a shops own brand if it looks good and is not full of parabens.

I love French personal hygiene products as well as their perfumes, but British brands are awesome too. However, I cannot afford celebrity prices of some of them so imagine my happy surprise when I was asked to try for free by Skinchemist, London, a Dr Botanicals Moroccan Rose Superfoods Facial Oil. Now, I’m not usually one for Facial Oils, but seeing as my cheeks have red cans dry patches on them caused by windburn and from sitting in the greenhouse sowing seeds, as well as from having the central heating on almost twenty-four seven, I thought I would give it a go.

Before agreeing I did a quick internet search to get a feel of what to expect from Dr Botanicals. The things that immediately stood out for me was the fact that it was a Vegan company with vegan products with purely natural ingredients and no parabens. The packaging was unique in that it is understated – a simple brown cardboard box with black writing that is completely recyclable. No needless horrible plastic wrapping. The most shocking thing was the price – now I admit I have no idea how much a good facial oil should cost but I definitely wasn’t expecting a price tag of £35 for a 15ml bottle. I will admit I was willing to try the product on cost alone. I thought that if they sent me a small drop in a tiny vial say about £2.50 worth, it would be the closest I would come to luxury goods without having to win the lottery.

I sent off my email, and a few days later a white padded envelope arrived in the post. It seemed too big to hold the tiny vial I was expecting; another surprise Dr Botanicals had sent me a full size product to try. For Free!

Suddenly, having a really expensive product to try seemed daunting. I kept reading the greeting card from the Founder then I kept opening and closing the cardboard box to take out and examine the bottle of pink oil . Eventually, I unscrewed the cap, which is a pipet, and held the bottle to my nose. Immediately and unceremoniously I was transported back in time to my childhood. Back to when my parents had scented rambling roses growing over the old wooden door separating the front and back gardens. A time of freedom, innocence and endless summer days. I certainly wasn’t expecting the fragrance to do that.

As the label instructs I only need a couple of drops, I squeeze the pipet until a single drop falls onto my finger. The soft liquid is non greasy and absorbs very quickly into my skin. A big plus as it means this bottle will last for ages.

I like that after I’ve washed my face in the mornings I can apply a few drops and it doesn’t make my face look shiny or oily. I can put foundation on after a few minutes on top of the oil as it acts like a barrier to protect and retain the moisture and PH balance of my skin. If I’m not wearing make up then the oil acts as a way to make my skin look healthier and possibly younger too.

In less than a week I have noticed the dry patches and redness is fading, the added vitamins (A and E) means that my skin is more nourished and feels softer too. I am wondering if the pink oil would help with my scar tissue too, but I’m not brave enough to try it on my tummy yet.

So now I am in a quandary – after I’ve seen, smelt and felt the results of a luxurious Facial Oil when my bottle runs out am I willing to pay £35 for a new one? New hedonistic me screams Yes! Yes I would. The practical side of me thinks can I really afford it?

Tonight when I finish writing this I will use a tiny drop of the Moroccan Rose Superfoods Facial Oil on my dry hands, knowing they will be rejuvenated by morning, but just before I go to sleep the last thing I will smell will be rambling roses in summer with just a hint of innocence.

Lemony Glass Stained Treats.


I took a break from my daily blogging as I felt I was letting cancer and heart failure define my days, rather than getting on with just living with my prognosis. I will write again, but not so much of the everyday.

I was going to blog about the making of the bauble wreaths, but I am sure people are fed up of my Facebook feed on that subject – so to get you in the festive spirit, I’d thought I’d share with you a really easy peasy, lemon squeezey, fancy biscuit recipe from the Baked and Delicious magazines I used to get.

I have made these a number of times, and long ago I did a baking session at my Mum’s house with my niece and nephews to encourage them to get into baking too. That day, I was hugely impressed by my Godson who has got the gift of pastry/dough making to a tee. J and L were pretty impressive too. Especially L, as she was a lot younger than she is now.

So here goes…

STAINED GLASS WINDOW BISCUITS. (Ingredients and basic method from Baked and Delicious Magazine, mixed in with light humour and additional method/tips from yours truly.)

Note it looks like a lot of instructions, but it’s not, if you want to skip the story part just head to the very end and the method is there.

1. Wash hands then order Mark to wash hands and reach all the stuff out the cupboards that you can’t reach. Which is basically flour, icing sugar, scales, sieve, star cutters, dough mat and then the tray for the scales as he has managed to put a Chinese takeaway container on the scales by mistake.

2. Find the mixing bowl, blunt metal knife, a variety of serving bowls of different sizes, cornflour, boiled sweets, lemon, butter, rolling pin (which is stored in the oven grill of all places…) and desert spoon by yourself. Ask Mark to find the mandolin and blades to grate the lemon peel with. (More on this later.) Remember you have to make a very important telephone call so make call and wait fifteen minutes on hold to have someone tell you that you can’t pay this particular bill over the phone but you can online or by cheque . Swear loudly in your head but say a polite thank you to the person on the other end.

3. Decide you need a wee. Remember your going to blog today’s baking escapades and go find iPad after washing hands thoroughly. Twice. Once for after weeing and once after handling iPad.

4. Measure out dry ingredients first starting with 7oz of plain flour. Sieve into mixing bowl. Add 1oz of cornflour also sieved into the same mixing bowl. Combine the flours using a blunt knife or desert spoon. Next weigh out 2oz of icing sugar and put this in a suitable dish for later.

5.Ensuring your butter is very cold, place 3 1/2oz onto your dough mat (work top, marble/glass chopping board) and cube. Hear the phone ring and ask Mark to answer it as you have butter on your fingers. Find out the call is for you, wash hands, go speak to caller. Who, incidentally, is someone you like and are happy to chat to, someone who is supplying you with baubles from the charity shop they work at, so you will always make time for this person. After the call remember your meant to be finishing two Christmas bauble wreaths later and wonder if you will have the energy to.

6. Wash hands, then run them under cold water unless like me your taking biseporol and it turns out really useful to have freezing hands and nerve damage anyway, as you don’t want to put hot hands on the butter.

7 Rub the fat into the flour until it resembles breadcrumbs. Sing along to the Radio and dance about to ensure circulation to your feet. Marvel that it takes less time than you imagined it would to get the breadcrumb consistency. Marvel how great biseporol is as this is the best bit of breadcrumb making you have done in years, maybe even ever.

8. Get evicted from the kitchen counter your working on (our kitchen is tiny) while Mark makes his lunch and had to get bread, butter and meat from the various cupboards above your head and the fridge by your feet.

9. Have another wee. Wash hands, sneak back to kitchen doorway and stare at the lemon to decide is it best to cut lengthways or across. Pick lengthways as it seems easier to grate. Try and squeeze the juice from both halves of the lemon without having a plastic thingy that does it. (Santa I’ve been good.) Find there are still things you cannot do after chemotherapy. Ask Mark to please squeeze lemon after he has made his sandwich. Open tin of boiled sweets to see what they look like, and what exciting colours you might have.

10 . Once lemon juice is in a handy small bowl, take half of the lemon and grate it with the smallest knobbliest fiddliest blade you have. Miraculously, do not skin your knuckles while doing this. Keep turning the half lemon to ensure you have all the zest falling nicely into the bowl of icing sugar. As its too much work getting tiny bits of zest out of another bowl.

11. Tip the lemon zest and icing sugar into the flour. Add two tablespoons of lemon juice to the mix. Gently combine with a blunt knife until combined. For some completely unknown reason bite into the half lemon flesh that is left after zesting as you want to see how sharp it is and you feel a bit hungry.

12. Realise this was a stupid idea as your eyes and mouth water. Drink a huge glass of water. Put the other unzested bit of lemon in clingfilm in the fridge. Drop a few drops of lemon juice into a fresh glass of water. Put cling film over lemon juice later and store in fridge.

13. Get your hands into the bowl and finish making the dough by gently manipulating and kneading it. Find out that you don’t have great stomach muscles even though your going to heart rehab sessions and discover how weak you still are when it comes to pushing down on cookie dough. Get out of breath and sit down for five minutes.

14. Return to making perfect dough then stop and construct yourself a cream cheese, tomato and mixed herb bap, watch the end of Bargain Hunt while you eat lunch and take your meds. While you rest, so does the dough. If before you stop for lunch haven’t managed to achieve the right consistency and your dough cracks when you shape it ready to roll out then you may need an extra drop of lemon juice. If on the other hand it’s too soft because the butter has melted too much, chill it in the fridge for 15 minutes.

15. After lunch wash hands then open the oven and remove all the trays and Pyrex dishes you keep in it. Find three same size baking trays and line with grease proof paper. Light oven Gas Mark 4 or 180C Now depending on your technical ability either roll out the dough in a massive 1/4inch thick giant circle or roll out mini circles of the same width and cut out star shapes using one of the bigger sized cutters.

16. Depending on your star and tray size put as many biscuits as possible on the tray but ensure they do not touch each other, and allow at least 1/2inch for them to expand in any direction. Once you are satisfied they are evenly spaced, take a smaller star cutter and cut out the centre of your Stars. Chuck the smaller stars into the mixing bowl.

17. Once you have a single tray filled with stars pop them in the oven for 4 minutes. Set an alarm if necessary. Especially, if you have a brain like the sieve you used earlier and forget to look at  the clock on the wall.
18. While the first tray is baking fill up the other trays with stars. When the timer is up remove first tray from the oven and place a boiled sweet in t e centre of each star. Pick a different colour for each star so you can see how they look, unless you only have single colour sweets. Return to oven for around 6-7 minutes.

19. Collect all the tiny stars from the mixing bowl,and roll out another 1/4inch thick dough ball and make more stars. When timer goes off take first tray out of oven, put tray somewhere safe to cool down, put second tray of stars in oven for 4 minutes.

20. Fill third tray with stars, take second tray out of oven, put sweets in stars, return to oven for second bake. Start washing up.

21. Gently lift each star off first tray and put on cooling rack. Refill tray one with new stars, using the dough from scraps, and middle bit of stars.

22. Take out second tray of complete stars put the tray somewhere to cool, put third tray in oven for short bake. Continue, washing up.

23. Take third tray out of oven fill stars with sweets, return to oven. Put stars from cooling rack onto a plate, take stars from second tray out and onto cooling rack, fill second tray, which is now number five and you should get the last few stars on here, make any small shapes out of any remaining dough but do not use cutters. A few little balls or tiny stars are good. Finish washing up. Wipe down work tops.

24. Take third tray out of oven, put to cool. Put fourth tray in oven for short bake, put stars from third tray on cooling rack, after removing second lots to the plate. Throw away the grease proof paper and wipe tray ready for storage. Realise you’re getting very tired and long for the comfort of wreath making as at least that’s a sitting down thing.

25. Start drying up and make a cup of coffee using 1/4 teaspoon of hazelnut coffee as this is as much coffee you can handle without a racing heart or hot flush. Take fourth tray out of oven, fill stars with sweets. Continue drying up.

26. Take fourth tray out of oven to cool, put fifth tray into oven. Finish drying up. Take out fifth tray fill stars with sweets return to oven, marvel at how much your legs and wrists are killing, but take comfort your on the home stretch. Remove third lot of stars from wire cooling rack to plate. Put stars from fourth tray on said rack, throw away grease proof paper and wipe tray for storage. Ask Mark to put all the stuff back,in the cupboards you can’t reach.

27. Finally do a happy dance that the timer for tray five has gone, switch off oven, take out tray five, leave to cool. Put stars from cooling station to the pile on the plate. Go sit down for at least ten minutes then move final stars to wire rack, but eat all of the small biscuits that have no sweets in them just to test how nice they are. Clean tray. Put al, trays and Pyrex dishes back in the oven, including the wooden rolling pin so it dries completely.

28. Eventually put remaining stars on the plate to ensure they are thoroughly cooled before transferring into storage tin/barrel/bag,

Short Instructions:-

1. Measure Ingredients.
2. Mix both flours then rub cubed butter into flour until breadcrumb consistency.
3. Squeeze lemon juice into a glass/bowl and zest 1/2 of the lemon into the icing sugar.
4. Put zest, sugar and 2 tablespoons of lemon juice into breadcrumb mix.
5. Combine with blunt knife, then hand form the dough.
6. Roll out and use 2 star cutters to make stars. Use both cutters for each star.
7. Bake for 4 minutes, remove from oven put a sweet in centre hollow of each star return to oven.
8. Check at 6 minutes that they are pale gold colour. Do not go darker as dough will taste burnt.
9. Remove and allow to cool before moving to wire ra k to cool completely.

So that’s it for now. If you would like any more blogs from me on baking or whatever, just leave a message and I’ll see what I can do.

Until next time. Stay positive.
Love Amanda xx








Mini Monday.

Today was the last rest day of what’s to be a busy couple of days. I got up late, after another blissful night’s sleep. I got up to do my wake wee and weigh routine, on,y to discover the bathroom scales wasn’t working. Mark had only just changed the battery a few days ago, so I was a bit annoyed it had ran out already. He put in another battery only that didn’t work either. Ever practical he took the battery out, cleaned the contacts and tried again. Zilch. Nothing, Nada. Broken. The second thing to pack up in a week.

I ate my breakfast and went online to see how much a new scales would cost. If it wasn’t so important to keep a daily check on my weight I wouldn’t have bothered replacing it. Luckily, I had a high street voucher from my auntie and uncle back on my birthday, so I was able to get a fancy scales that does everything except the washing up.

I haven’t used it yet, but this scales not only tells you how much you weigh, but you can also program it to up to four people in the household. It will then tell you your BMI reading using your height and weight. It also reads your body fat percentage and you bone density. I have absolutely no idea how accurate it is for those functions though. It must pass a tiny current through you when you stand on it. Although it only runs on tiny watch batteries. According to my scales yesterday I weighed 8:13 so I’ll be interested to see how much I am.

I am at the hospital on Wednesday so the nurse can confirm my BMI and my genealogical oncologist is sending me for a bone density scan in the near future so I should be able to test and analyse how good this scales actually is.

I spent the rest of the morning answering emails, and deleting my outdoor photography faceboook group. Although there is another week to go, it’s too cold for me to spend ages outside taking photos, and to be honest I’m not really getting anything out of the group. Fair enough I’m seeing some great photos from other members, but the assignment comes with a small brief and you interpret it. For example the focus module was almost the same as the lens module. Plus there’s no limit on how many photos you can put up, which spoils it for beginners we don’t get any likes or comments as there too many images to look at. And, (excuse the rant), it’s not organised or moderated so there are people also currently submitting the first four assignments making assignment five photos even harder to follow. Most of us are hashtagging the current assignment number so we can specify see just those images, but it’s a faff that I really can’t be doing with. It’s a shame, I did think to just turn off notifications and just do the last two assignments, but people aren’t playing fair so I can’t be bothered.

After I finished on the iPad, mark set up the laptop and using Bluetooth was able to connect it to the TV, we spent a half hour or so researching campsites to visit in the New Forest for next year.

After lunch picked up the scales along with a mattress protector and came straight back home. It wasn’t too cold out and with a gap in the showers, we went for my baseline walk. The extra bit wasn’t too strenuous today.

I spend ten minutes in the greenhouse checking for pests and watering the violas, the when I got in we watched the rest of Transformers Three. I started writing this blog and he went for a shower.

We made a lazy supper of chicken nuggets chips and beans, then I went for my shower while it was cooking.

Later I plan to get a few things ready to spend the night with mum tomorrow. We are meeting A for a coffee in town. Then I will spend the night with mum as she is taking me to my cardiology appointment on Wednesday morning.


After that, Mark has a couple of programs he wants to watch on telly so I will either be reading, studying or making Christmas wreaths.

I have another winter project I would like to start too.

Today, I am positive I have rested sufficiently.
I’m looking forward to catching up with A tomorrow.
I hope mum enjoys her day with us too,

Until Tuesday,
Have fun.
Love Amanda xx

Speedy Sunday.

Sunday went too fast for my liking. After going to bed early to watch Transformers, we ended up reading instead. At 10:45 I turned the lamp off and went into a deep and blissful sleep. Only it was so deep and blissful that by 4:00am I was wide awake and ready to get on with the day.

Obviously, it was far too early, and cold, to get up. I tried all the tricks in the book, but nothing could persuade me to go back to sleep. At 6:30am I put the iPad on and played an online game, that promptly made my eyes heavy. I slept until Mark brought my medication in at 8am, then crashed out again until 9:30am. Not a great start.

Mark went down to the compound to put a few things in the motorhome, i caught up with making the bed and washing the breakfast dishes. Then I tidied all my clutter and undealt post from the kitchen and living room. I made a list of all the other jobs I wanted to do.

I planned to go in the greenhouse to plant up some of the Malvas, but it was too windy to be working in there. One gust of wind in the wrong direction could easily cause the panes of glass to implode and shower me in its fragments.

So I turned my attention to making lunch. I have really random tastes at the moment. I don’t know if it’s a leftover from the chemotherapy or my current prescription, but I really fancied a soft cheese, fresh tomato and sultana sandwich using brown bread. So that’s what I ate, and it was lovely.

After lunch I wanted to go for a walk but I was too cold so instead I set about making my Christmas Bauble Wreath. This time it went a lot smoother. As the wire was already circular shape and the decorations already washed and dried, it was just a case of attaching them together in a pretty pattern. Finishing off by wrapping tinsel around and making a ribbon loop to hang it up with. It might not have been perfect, but it was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

Meanwhile Mark was in the kitchen making himself a sweet chilli sauce using the chillies I had grown this year. Bright red three inches long, with enough capsicum to knock out a bull. He also used the very last of the red tomatoes and the final sweet red pepper also homegrown by me. When he was blending them with cloves of garlic and some ginger, my eyes were watering in the living room.

As Mark is taking almost as much steroids as I was for my chemotherapy, he has (he’s only got to take them for six days, I had them for months,) started to get the munchies. I could hear rattling and guessed he was looking for a bag of crisps or some biscuits. I helpfully warned him to wash his hands before eating anything if he was still preparing the chillies. “Yes, yes. I know.” Was his reply. Everything seemed to be going well, when suddenly he came dancing into the living room, waving his hands at his face and looking slightly deranged.

“I uuungg, I uuunggs on ire!”

“How can your tongue be on fire IF you washed your hands?”

“I ur-ot.”

“Mark. Speak properly. How can you forget to wash your hands standing next to a sink in the kitchen? Anyhow, I thought you had finished eating your crisps?”

Turns out, after I reminded him to wash his hands he only ate the first half of his bag of crisps, before stopping to cut the last two chillies, he forgot to wash his hands the second time. He wonders why I nag him in the kitchen.

Unfortunately, Mark works differently to me. As the next thing I heard was: “Oh we haven’t got enough white sugar…” Followed by! “I’m just going to walk to the shop to get some.” Surely any sensible person would check how much ingredients they need before starting to make something they have never attempted to make before? Obviously not him.

So off he went up the shop leaving me to threading baubles onto wire; debating would it be better to turn off the heating, put another layer of clothes on and open the windows, go in the greenhouse until he comes back, or just use the chilli fumes to clear my blocked head. I went with the latter. I did feel sorry for him as my eyes were still stinging, so his tongue must have been on fire. When he got back he had bought me a chocolate bar, so I felt a bit mean for nagging him. Then I felt even more mean, I when he had gone up the shop I remembered that there was an almost new pack of soft brown sugar in the cupboard left over from my marshmallow brownies.


I told him about the brown sugar, but he said that the recipe didn’t specify which sugar so he was sticking with white anyway. He measured out the sugar, I went back to wreath making. Later I went into the kitchen to see how he was getting on, he was just adding the cider vinegar to his concoction. To be fair, it looked really nice. He seemed happy with it and prepared to cook it, though he did say “I think this is gonna blow my f****ng head off. Who can I ask to try it before me?”

“Not me!” Was my reply. “Maybe you can ask your faceboook friends. Or T’s boyfriend. He is part dragon.”

Cider vinegar smells lovely when it’s cooking. Our house smelled like a Chinese takeaway by the time the chilli sauce was ready. I had finished my wreath and needed Mark to use the wire cutters for me as I couldn’t get the ends tied tidy, nor cut the ends properly to complete the circles. He said he would fix it for me, but only if I tried his cooking. Especially, as I made him eat my baking.

I said he was being unfair as he he likes chocolate brownies, I don’t like chillies. He said that wasn’t a good enough reason. I told him he never tried my pumpkin soup, or leek soup. He asked did I want the wreath fixed or not. He’s an annoying sod. I will plot my revenge…

I dipped the vey edge of smallest spoon we own into the sauce, then licked a tiny bit off the end. He stood there laughing. I put the whole spoon in my mouth. There was sweetness, then a tang, then a very mild kick in the back of my throat. My lips tingled but not in too harsh a way. Justice where it’s due, he made a really good sweet chilli sauce. Slightly hotter than the sweet chilli chicken breasts we get from Lidls but not so hot you can’t enjoy it. Ten out of ten boy.

I still hadn’t been for my walk and I was still cold, so I got Mark to set up the treadmill for me, and I very carefully did a ten minute walk on it. I tried to recall the last time I used my treadmill. I recalled using it in April last year, and then had a flashback to when I had really struggled to do 2km on it one night after work. Feeling upset that I was getting older and less fitter, the doctors were not listening to me about having trouble with my monthlies, and I was constantly exhausted. I hated weekends as much as work days as I was expected to do shopping, visit family or friends, the housework and gardening, when all I wanted to do was rest. We both worked in the week and we both shared all the chores. I remember I felt like Mark felt I wasn’t pulling my weight and the arguments we would have. I hadn’t enjoyed our trip to London in the February, as I just felt so drained. I knew I hadn’t been good company, I had had an upset stomach, my tummy was hurting from lifting and playing with the granddaughter and he last thing I wanted to do was to go back to work on the Monday.

Then I recalled another time at the start of May last year when I had gone out to the greenhouse one evening after supper, I had gotten really dizzy. I was due my time of the month but as I staggered out of the greenhouse as I thought I might faint and full onto the glass, I fell flat on my face in the garden dry heaving and shaking like a leaf. My elderly neighbour was in his garden,mind I was worried he would think I was drunk. When I got back to the house I told Mark I didn’t feel well, but he unsympathetically said, well go to the doctor then. I had, many times. I remembered going to bed that night thinking I can’t wait to see my cardiologist, maybe he can tell me what’s going on.

After my lovely walk, but depressing thoughts, I sat down to watch NCIS New Orleans we had recorded last night. Then we made and ate our Sunday roast, whilst watching the second episode. We washed up, and then I went for a bath.

At :8:30pm we went to bed to watch Transformers Three. I fell asleep three quarters of the way in, so Mark turned the film off to watch the end sometime on Monday.

Today, I was surprised at how good the chilli sauce was.
Happy that the wreath looked as how it did on the video clips.
I’m positive I will make lots more of them
I was also really happy I had enough balance to go on the running machine.
Until Monday.
Keep positive.
Love Amanda




Sleepy Saturday.


Apart from a keen northerly wind, the weather here was perfect for autumn and winter projects. Although because I have another busy week next week, I’m taking things easy for the next few days. At least that’s the plan.

After falling asleep at 10:35pm, with only two trips to the bathroom I had a great night’s sleep. But somehow I amassed 79 steps, it would have been at most 48-52 steps to the bathroom twice, so where I wondered to I don’t know. I don’t sleep walk hat I know of.

I took my morning tablets early and by 8:30am I had my breakfast. By 11:15am I had scrubbed the bathroom, washed down the tiles and skirting boards and got rid of the cobwebs under the radiator. There is definitely a benefit to cutting my Frusimide dose by half. More energy, though I’m still making many trips to the lo for a wee.

I rested for the rest of the morning. Just before lunch the postman arrived with a package from Thompson and Morgan for me which contained my five packets of free seed which I will be growing and blogging about. I’m especially excited as there are some interesting things to try. I’m hugely looking forward to tasting blue radishes, rainbow mix beetroot, a browny/bronze sunflower, strawberry blonde/pinky marigolds and Sweetpea called Turquoise Lagoon, that changes the colour of its petals as it matures.

After lunch, I spent a stupid amount of time trying to decide what to do about my phone. Currently, it’s not notifying me of texts messages. On Thursday of last week, I switched it off and on again as Mark said he had called and text me when I was with mum on Wednesday and it kept going to voicemail. However I had no unanswered messages or missed calls. When the phone rebooted I had nine texts and two missed calls. The battery seems to need charging every other day, and very very occasionally it freezes. The most frustrating thing though, was on Thursday before I rebooted it, it refused to dial out. I tried my house phone as well as Mark’s mobile. I’m worried that the phone will let me down in an emergency, and I can’t dial out.

So I looked at a couple of phones. I still haven’t decided. I quite like the Samsung A5 and I like the iPhone SE. Anything newer is out of my budget. My current phone is a £40 Galaxy Mini Apollo S2 that the has on contract three years ago. I would like a phone that syncs to my Garmin. The iPhone SE does but the Samsung A5 doesn’t. I will just have to research it a bit more. I really don’t think I can justify the cost of an iPhone.

To clear my head I went for my new baseline walk. Starting on day one again as I didn’t do the walk yesterday. When we got back, I spent ten minutes watering the plants in the greenhouse.

At 4:00pm we watched a film that we recorded the other night from Film4. Based on John Grisham’s novel Runaway Jury, starring Dustin Hoffman and Rachel Weiz. I fell asleep in the chair for 15 minutes so I had to ask Mark what I had missed as I couldn’t be bothered to rewind it. I hadn’t missed anything exciting, especially as there were adverts in it. The film was really good though.

We had supper, then just as we were going to do the dishes, we were treated to what seemed like an impromptu fireworks show from our kitchen window. The old school field and kids park is not too far away from us, and I think either a group of parents or club got together to buy a load of fireworks and them set off. It was pouring outside, but lovely and warm in my kitchen.

We must have watched them for half an hour hour with all our lights off, then I did the washing up. Followed by ordering a repeat prescription online and eating a cheeky custard slice. For the rest of the evening I plan to watch Transformers Three in bed, hopefully not falling asleep.

Today, I’m positive, I have no idea about technology and what’s the best phone to get.
I’m glad I rested and went for a walk.
I’m happy tomorrow is Sunday so I can have another easy day.
Until then,
Enjoy the weekend.
Love Amanda xx

Fatigue Friday.

I woke up at 5:30am though I was determined to go back to sleep. In hindsight I wish I hadn’t checked my Garmin as somehow between 2:30am and 4:45 my heart rate had dropped to 49 beats per minute, then just before I woke up shot up to 105 beats a minute, then a massive fall to 49 again. I asked Mark if I had been moving about in my sleep or something, as I have no idea why this should happen. I didn’t have any nightmares or dreams that I remember. I didn’t like this, as I was worried I was having palpitations in my sleep.

I did good back to sleep until about 10am. There were no horrible surprises hen I checked my Garmin. Thankfully, my heart rate remained steady. So I came to the conclusion that my brain was so worried I would wet the bed, that it scared me awake as I must have been in such a deep sleep.

I did a few very light chores, but I felt out of sorts. I had bouts of energy and bouts of fatigue. I managed to repot a houseplant as well as move a few radish seedlings and a baby turnip plant into bigger pots. I evicted five slimy slugs, and then had to check all the trays for others.

We had lunch, then in the afternoon we took the excess garden waste (our compost bins are full,) to the recycling centre. As we were in Pembroke Dock we visited a friend, before doing the weekly grocery shop.

I was still having my bouts of energy and exhaustion which were frustrating as I nearly fell asleep in my friend’s house. I managed to walk around one supermarket, but coming out of the second, I had a little head spin and stumbled into Mark.

It was supper to me when we got home, so Mark put a pizza in the oven and made so many chips whilst I went into the shower. The shower revived me long enough to get dressed, eat and dry the dishes. I hated the pizza. I ate the chips followed by a single piece of brown bread slathered in cream cheese and fresh tomatoes.

It’s 8:30pm, and I’m ready for bed. I’m about to turn the iPad off, take my night Ramapril and go and read in bed. I’m even going to take my hot water bottle, like I did last night.

Today, I am really grateful that I have done enough chores to warrant a lazy day tomorrow.

I’m positive I will wake up at some stupid time feeling hungry.

I’m glad we spent time with our friend.

Until tomorrow,
Make the most of the weekend.
Love Amanda xx